fablespot » funny

Ninja Baby

tasospap — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 21:27:53 +0000

I laughed so hard! Real Conversation… Enjoy!

tasospap — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:29:24 +0000

This conversation is real. It took place over AOL Instant Messenger.

Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an asshole
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: f what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I’m in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don’t fucking laugh at me!
Boy: This shit is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a fucking break
Boy: I’m serious.
Girl: I don’t get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I’m wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It’s kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are fucking sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren’t one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I’m not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: fuck you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren’t you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren’t
Girl: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What’s your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I’m looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I’ve lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn’t you.
Boy: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!
Girl: You don’t look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy….
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go fuck yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my dick won’t get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.
Girl: You’ve done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can’t believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You’d break both of his legs.
Girl: You’re a FUCKing asshole.
Girl: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know me
Boy: Ok. I’m sorry.
Girl: No you aren’t
Boy: You’re right. I’m not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I’m done with you
Boy: Aww. I’m sorry.
Girl: I’m putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I’ll eat your pussy
Girl: You’ll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I’d eat your pussy.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Girl: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I’m not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don’t know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I’m afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn’t that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to
Girl: I didn’t say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!”
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can’t be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It’s my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you’ll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh …going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: …still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a fucking candy apple…
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: …going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

Real Cyber Sex

tasospap — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 14:22:08 +0000

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I’m toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I’m 6′3″ and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I’m also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner…it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We’re in my bedroom.There’s soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I’m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I’m gulping, I’m beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I’m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I’m unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I’m moaning softly.
Wellhung: I’m taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I’m throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I’m rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I’m sorry.
Sweetheart: That’s OK, it wasn’t really too expensive.
Wellhung: I’ll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don’t worry about it.I’m wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I’m fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it’s stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I’m reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I’m picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I’m arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I’m dropping the bra. Now I’m licking your, you know, breasts. They’re neat!
Sweetheart: I’m running my fingers through your hair. Now I’m nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I’m so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I’m wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I’m taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I’m pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I’m screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I’m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I’m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you…umm… wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What’s the matter?
Wellhung: I’ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I’m choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I’m having a coughing fit. I’m turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I’m running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I’m fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I’m drinking a cup of water. There, that’s better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I’m washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I’m on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I’m drying the cup. Now I’m putting it back in the cabinet. And now I’m walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it’s dark, I’m lost. Where’s the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I’m tuggin’ off your pants. I’m moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don’t you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can’t see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I’m bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I’m fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it’s dark. I’m feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I’m waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I’m done going. I’m feeling around for the flush handle, but I can’t find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What’s the matter now?
Wellhung: I’ve realized that I’ve peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I’m walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I’m going to put my…you know …thing…in your…you know…woman’s thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I’m touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I’m having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I’m moving my @$$ back and forth, moaning. I can’t stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I’m flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I’m limp. I can’t sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I’m standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I’m shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I’m going to get my glasses and see what’s wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I’m getting dressed. I’m putting on my underwear. Now I’m putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I’m squinting, trying to find the night table. I’m feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I’m buttoning my blouse. Now I’m putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I’ve found my glasses. I’m putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I’m pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I’m logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: [ logged off ]

and another…

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey…
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don’t see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don’t f*ck with me b!%c#, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don’t ever message me again you piece of $#!%.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik’s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it’s getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

and another…

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don’t know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i’m a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it’s just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t play games. They f*cking charge your @$$.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn’t get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your @$$.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Damn am I hard now.

and another…

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I’m ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em… Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh $#!%
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I’m gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh $#!%
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

and a little veggie fun…

bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening and $#!%?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes. (pause)
Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables… Can you make it a little more sexy for me? (pause)
bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach… sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn’t really turn me on… I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby you’re right, this $#!% is HOTT.
Katie_007: …
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I’m outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can’t see. B!%c#.
Katie_007: whatever.

Not… Like Aesop’s Fables… (a dark tale)

tasospap — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 15:41:54 +0000

Once upon a time, in a far far away forest all the animals gathered to have a meeting to discuss what to do with the Tortoise. The Tortoise was very annoying and all she did all day was walk around the forest and annoy every animal she came upon. No animal could just sit and relax and enjoy his or her day in the beautiful forest. The Tortoise would show up with her annoying face or would say something annoying, or whistle annoyingly and irritate the animals. As we all know, these things sometimes happen, without being strictly the Tortoise’s fault.

The animals just did not want to confront her and tell her to her face that she was annoying and tried to show her how they felt in roundabout ways. Whenever they came upon her by accident, they tried to roll their eyes, to fume at her presence and the things she said, and to find cheap excuses to avoid her completely. But the Tortoise did not take the slightest hint, as it sometimes happens. That’s why they had no other choice but to kill her. The animals of the forest were gathered there to decide how to kill her.

All the animals had to prepare an idea and propose it at the meeting. Mrs. Giraffe proposed to have the Elephant sit on her. Mister Badger with his bowler hat proposed that they should have her impaled with the help of the Rhinoceros. The Fox, who was notorious for her craftiness, suggested that they should trick her into believing that if she jumped off a waterfall she would be the most beautiful Tortoise in the forest.

The Raven suggested that they should send her subconscious messages and whisper very quietly thing like “Die!” or “Kill yourself!” or a more suggestive “Why don’t you kill yourself?” or when she was sleeping, come up to her and whisper in her ear those subliminal messages until she got really depressed and committed suicide. The good-hearted Bear proposed that they should hang her up from the old oak tree, but this was too risky a plan because there was no way of ensuring, even with much convincing, that the Tortoise would be willing to stick her head out of her shell in order for her to be hanged.

The Snail’s idea was to throw her off a cliff with one of her feet tied to an elastic string so as if by any small chance she reached the ground and was unfortunately still alive, she would rise straight back up with great speed and so her shell would come off her turtle-ly body and then go up and down naked until she died either from the cold or vertigo.

The Cock suggested that they should take six pine cones and shove them up the holes of her shell, to entrap her inside so that she eventually suffocate to death. The Donkey suggested that they should tie her feet in a knot across her chest and the Ants carry her while singing and dancing down by the river and let her be carried away by the rush of the stream. The best idea however, came from the wise old Owl’s mouth. To catch the Tortoise, pull her head out of her shell long just enough to be able to reach down her behind, and shove it in her behind. This proposal met with general applause, enthusiastic cheering and joy, and they carried the wise old Owl on their shoulders and celebrated for quite a while.

The plan would be put into practise imminently. And all the animals scoured the forest to find the Tortoise, so they could pull her head out of her shell and shove it up her behind, so that she could not annoy them anymore. The Tortoise however was nowhere to be found. No animal either saw or heard of the Tortoise again. She had just disappeared. It was as though she had vanished in thin air, and sadly all those great ideas were wasted.

BUY the book “Not …Like Aesop’s Fables” NOW on amazon.com

BEST PRANKS EVER!

tasospap — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 19:27:10 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpGZWsCapX4 Mother of all pranks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5WtlYktUk0 Dead Deer Talking Prank
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zixFTJ439PI Matress Prank
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTm9kS8tcoE Top 6 PRanks played on the public
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GppfXlEQ3nY BEST Bathroom Prank
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IK02yoQXJ4I The best fart prank video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2syxXPR7xY Japanese Pranks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTLkG2YXOiM Fart Joke Prank

Stupidity rules…

tasospap — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 19:25:05 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4w4CjhL07I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sqq9zZR0fHI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dd7q2dT-ls
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XN7jEqEPto
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMfGY9cqTCI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCZl7I9n4vU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlHPxTJqUxU

You CAN’T fix stupid, or as our late friend George said… some people are stupid! and others are full of shit…

Words to think about…

tasospap — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 19:23:30 +0000

A lot of people wonder how you know you’re in love. Just ask yourself this one question: “Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?” — Ronnie Shakes

My parents have been married for fifty years. I asked my mother how they did it. She said, “You just close your eyes and pretend it’s not happening.” — Rita Rudner

I date this girl for two years and then the nagging starts: “I wanna know your name.” — Mike Binder

Not Like Aesop’s Fables… One more for the fans!

tasospap — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 05:54:24 +0000

Once upon a time, all the animals of the forest gathered up in the big forest clearing to hold a meeting. The meeting was summoned in that important place of the forest where all the major meetings were held by the Squirrel, for the settlement of a very important issue that troubled him for a very long time. The Owl, who built her nest just above his little house in the old oak tree, some nights, did not let him sleep with her singing, and all the animals in the forest were summoned to resolve this crucial issue. The meeting had a quorum. Even the old Mole woke up from his morning sleep to attend the meeting and hear all the different opinions and proposals. The meeting lasted for a very long time though without reaching a conclusion and so the Ape got up and danced. All the animals were pleasantly surprised, and admired the Ape’s dance and praised him a lot.

“Well-done, Ape!” first cried the Cock as a shiver of absolute pleasure ran through him.

“Bravo!’’ shouted the Donkey.

“Excellent dance, Ape!” said the Bear.

The Elephant shed a tear with deep emotion and shook his head with respect and enthusiasm while the Badger got up and started applauding him respectfully. One by one all the animals followed the Badger, got up and gave a standing ovation to the Ape. Only the Peacock did not get up, not because he didn’t want to, but because he had no legs and was carried wherever he wanted to go by his friends the Ants. The Giraffe almost burst with jealousy and got up to dance. But then, all the animals started to become very upset by the horrible sight and started booing her. The Giraffe’s dancing spectacle thus came to a bitter end amidst the laughter and ridicule of the audience.

“Stop dancing!” first cried the Cock as a shiver of absolute disgust ran through him.

“Sit down you spindly creature!” shouted the Donkey.

“Shame on you, Giraffe!” said the Bear.

The Elephant shed a tear and shook his head with disapproval while the Badger got up and shouted at the Giraffe, waving angrily his fists at him. “You lanky freak!” And all the animals got up and gave a standing ovation to the Badger. Again, except for the Peacock.

“Boo! You moron!” cried the Crab then.

“You dance so hideously, you scurvy Giraffe!” cried the good-hearted Mister Hippopotamus.

“Disgraceful!” cried the Hare wearing his bowler hat.

“You call that a dance, you ludicrous creature?” cried the Locust infuriated.

“You dance ghastly, Giraffe!” said the Frog.

“How more grotesque could you possibly be? You tendril!” wondered aloud the Caterpillar and laughed.

“You gangly creature! You dare to dance! Damn you! Hey, gangly!” cried the Cow then.

“The only thing that is uglier than your dance is your face!” said the wise Owl sarcastically and all the animals had a good laugh over that.

“Booooooooooooo!” hissed then all the Ants unanimously.

The Squirrel was so angry at the Giraffe, and tried to think of a punchy insult to yell at her, but because he did not have a glib tongue and he would always think afterwards of what brilliant thing he could have said, stepped forward and threw an acorn on her head. All the animals cheered enthusiastically for the Squirrel and shouted “Bravo Squirrel! Well done Squirrel!” and picked him up on their shoulders to celebrate.

The poor Giraffe, who had already stopped dancing, sat down feeling very sorrowful in front of the animals that were booing at her. “Woe is me! I am rightly served for dancing after the Ape!” she thought and started weeping disconsolately.

All the animals just stood there and stared at the poor Giraffe crying without feeling any compassion, just anger and shame on her behalf. Only the Snail stepped forward, approached her, stood beside her, turned to the other animals and cried.

“Somebody kill her! Why do you stand there staring at her? Didn’t you all see how badly she danced?”

The first animal to pounce angrily upon the Giraffe was the Pig but the Lion being faster and stronger got to her first and devoured her at one gulp in front of all the animals there.

If you liked this story, there are many, many others in the book

“Not Like Aesop’s Fables“

Already a cult phenomenon! … Xperience the stupidity!

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Not Like Aesop’s Fables… Already a cult phenomenon!

tasospap — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 05:51:45 +0000

Once upon a time, in a dark forest which saw no sun, there lived a joyful and cheerful Caterpillar. She was young, slender and all the other Caterpillars envied her because she was the most beautiful of them all. Her beautiful rich blond hair and her beautiful green eyes that fitted perfectly her green heavenly-shaped body made every male Caterpillar turn their heads with yearning, to look at her and whistle at her in a very sly manner. But she did not pay attention to any of them. If she liked a whistle, she rewarded it with her beautiful smile, as she passed by. She was beautiful, trendy, sexy and she knew it. The whole forest was at her feet. She wasn’t that smart though because one day when she was having a stroll in the forest, she saw a pine needle lying on the ground and she immediately fell passionately in love. At first she was perplexed because the pine needle did not whistle at her as she passed by, a thing she was used to practically since her coming into the world.

The little beautiful Caterpillar was very very upset because this was the first time something like this was happening. “Could it be that my paint has brushed off?” she thought feeling very sad and turned to see if she was still green. She was greatly relieved for a moment and walked by the pine needle, who was still lying in the exact same spot in the exact same position. It did not whistle again though, not because the Caterpillar wasn’t beautiful but because everybody knows that pine needles cannot whistle. The Caterpillar could almost burst with frustration. “Why doesn’t he pay any attention to me?” she wondered to herself. She dug her heels in and tapped her left feet angrily on the ground. Again, nothing. No movement from the pine needle. It was then that the little Caterpillar fell madly in love with him. “Oh, he is sooooo cool” she thought and stood there looking with her enamored green eyes that fitted her green body that was shivering just by looking at the pine needle. At first, she approached somewhat tentatively and playfully. She closed her eyes, puckered up her green lips and kissed the pine needle. Electricity went through her whole green body.

“So, you have the hots for me?” she said to the pine needle after she opened her eyes and smiled with the smile that only green caterpillars in love have.

The pine needle had not even moved. The little green Caterpillar was turned on. Slowly and softly she began to kiss the pine needle and made her way down.

The heart of the little green Caterpillar was now beating like mad. She looked up and whispered, “Tell me, is this what you want?”

Not an answer still from the pine needle. The little Caterpillar was determined though. She took one breath and thought to herself, “It’s now or never” and said, “This is my first time! I’ve never done this before! Tell me if I accidentally hurt you with my teeth!” and started to lick it gently with her green tongue and then after she got the feel of it she put the pine needle in her mouth as deep as she could trying not to touch it with her teeth.

Still there was no reaction from the pine needle.

“My turn now!” said the Caterpillar very cheekily as she climbed on top of the pine needle and started to rub herself up against it.

She wrapped her legs around the pine needle and continued to rub herself up against it slowly and rhythmically. Soon the pine needle got wet. The little green Caterpillar let out a sigh of pleasure, which she at first tried to muffle. She changed her position. She placed the pine needle behind her and turned her head back to look at it and said in a very leery manner, “You can do with me as you please!”

The pine needle, however, just stood still. The Caterpillar was rubbing herself up against it faster and more intensely and didn’t take long before she screamed, “Yes! Yes! There! There!” and lost just for a few seconds the feel of her green body.

The little green Caterpillar, after she got back her breath, turned and laid next to the pine needle, which remained still. “So this is what true love is like!” sighed the little green Caterpillar and smiled with the smile that satisfied Caterpillars have on their faces. “My mother was right when she told me to wait until I find the right one! She must meet you!” she said happily and laid next to the pine needle for pillow talk.

The little green Caterpillar was happy for the first time in her life.

Not Like Aesop’s Fables… Another Fable!

tasospap — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 05:49:01 +0000

The animals of the forest held a beauty contest. The most beautiful of them all would receive a big pine cone as a prize, the biggest pine cone in the whole of the forest. All the animals wanted that pine cone. They could not decide though which animals would be in the tribunal committee because there were a lot of vested interests and intrigues, regardless of the fact that at the surface of things everything was peaceful and all the animals smiled at one another and tried to keep things courteous and civil. The beauty contest was a very serious issue to every animal of the forest because the prize was so precious: the biggest pine cone in the whole of the forest. The greatest number of entries for the beauty competition came from the Ants, which caused a big problem because they were just too many and very similar to each other, and so a big fight broke out. In the end, after quite a few of them had died, common sense prevailed and after they reconciled, they chosen the most beautiful and slender of them all to represent them in the beauty competition.
As the Ants were fighting though and causing much confusion, the Monkey sprang up and cried, “I am the most beautiful!” With that, she snatched the precious prize, the biggest pine cone in the whole of the forest and started running away with it like mad. As her bad luck would have it, though, the Lion caught up with her, grabbed her with his sharp claws, dragged her back by the tail in front of all the other animals, took the pine cone out of her hands, placed it back in front of the committee of the beauty competition and started devouring her slowly. Poor Mrs. Monkey was in excruciating pain and screamed so loudly that you could bet the animals of the neighbouring forest could hear her. As the Lion started eating her, first her hands and then her legs one by one, she continued to scream for help, pleading with the other animals to save her from the Lion’s mouth. All the animals however just stood there and looked at the horrible spectacle coldly and without pity because at the end of the day, Mrs. Monkey’s setback was all her fault because she tried to steal the precious prize, the biggest pine cone in the whole of the forest and run away.When the Monkey’s screaming finally stopped forever, the animals joyfully continued the beauty competition peacefully, even though the stakes were high. It was decided that the tribunal committee should consist of

the Owl, the wisest bird in the forest, the Frog because he was experienced in these matters and was a member of all the committees for every competition in the forest, and the Canary because he was the yellowiest animal in the forest and therefore the most suitable for this kind of competition. The competition was tough. All the animals competed with each other naked. There was no swimsuit category this year.They also competed in singing and dancing and that’s why the competition lasted for days. All the animals waited patiently though and stuck around because the prize – the biggest pine cone in the whole of the forest — was so precious and so coveted. The most beautiful animal of all, as it was generally agreed, was the Tortoise, but she did not do very well in singing or dancing and thus she landed in fourth place. The Tortoise was so angry with the committee that she left waving her fist at them and muttering some curse words. Better at singing and dancing was the Locust, but he was so ugly that no animal wanted him to receive the prize of the biggest pine cone in the whole of the forest.

The prettiest animal that danced and sang exquisitely was the Monkey, which all the animals knew. And so they decided to give the prize to the Lion on behalf of the Monkey. The Lion happily stepped forward to receive the most coveted prize on behalf of his dear friend. He graciously thanked the committee for this honor, whereupon all the animals commenced dancing, rejoicing, and celebrating until the next morning when they all returned home feeling very happy.

If you liked this story, there are many, many others in the book“Not Like Aesop’s Fables“

Already a cult phenomenon! … Xperience the stupidity!

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the book “Not …Like Aesop’s Fables” NOW on amazon.com