http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4w4CjhL07I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sqq9zZR0fHI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dd7q2dT-ls
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XN7jEqEPto
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMfGY9cqTCI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCZl7I9n4vU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlHPxTJqUxU

You CAN’T fix stupid, or as our late friend George said… some people are stupid! and others are full of shit…

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You approach her and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends approaches her, points at you says, “He’s fantastic in bed.” That’s Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You approach her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.” That’s Brand Recognition.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while SCUBA diving.

During all police investigations it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

When they are alone, all non-native English speakers prefer to speak English to each other.

When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a note – just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

When a plane is low on fuel, the hero usually taps the gas gauge as if that will help.

Coffee will sober you up from a drunken stupor in a matter of minutes.

Dogs always know who’s bad, and bark at them.

There are always people carrying around large sheets of glass on the street during a car chase.

Whenever anyone knocks out anyone else and takes their clothes, it’s always a flawless fit.