It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is, it’s always room temperature.
I once put instant coffee in a microwave and went back in time.
Last year for Christmas, I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier…. I thought I’d put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
I woke up this morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called information. She said they were behind the couch.
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, “Cut it out.”
I xeroxed a mirror.
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, “What do you need?”
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child….eventually.
I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I once put instant coffee in a microwave and went back in time.
Last year for Christmas, I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier…. I thought I’d put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
I woke up this morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called information. She said they were behind the couch.
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, “Cut it out.”
I xeroxed a mirror.
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, “What do you need?”
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child….eventually.
I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
More on the genius Steven Wright here.
